Despair - Part I
they say despair’s something to fall in
in my case, i’ve plucked a way there
one by one, hair by hair
keratin strands blow through the air
as i sit at the table
and tear and tear.
they say that some people recover
but that it’s incredibly rare
one by one, hair by hair
keratin strands blow through the air
as i sit at the table
and tear and tear.
they say growth is always a journey
in my case, from here to nowhere
one by one, hair by hair
keratin strands blow through the air
as i sit at the table
and tear and tear.
they say bareness can be a respite
in my case, i’m hardly aware
one by one, hair by hair
keratin strands blow through the air
as i sit at the table
and tear and tear.
they say that i just need to stop it
but this sadness is so much to bear
one by one, hair by hair
keratin strands blow through the air
as i sit at the table
and tear and tear.
they say that they love me regardless
but their kindness is too hard to hear
one by one, hair by hair
keratin strands blow through the air
as i sit at the table
and weep with despair.
Despair – Part II
sitting in this chair
i learned to despair.
sitting in this chair
i looked God in the eye
and told Him that i
didn’t care
if i were to live or die.
i learned to despair
sitting in this chair
no word of a lie.
"Trichotillomania is an obscure word to describe a common condition: the compulsion to pull out one’s hair. It manifests itself as an overwhelming array of urges, impulses, anxieties, relapses, defeats and (occasional) triumphs.
In this poem, trichotillomania is a disorder of tangled lines and obsessive rhymes. Trichotillomania resists cliché and good advice. Trichotillomania repeats and repeats. It cannot be resolved through words alone.
The poem opens with a series of jangling, repetitive refrains (evoking the habitual act of pulling) but becomes raw and stark, reflecting the misery of a particularly bad hair day. Feelings are more important than actions here. The poem does not close with wrecked follicles or fraught bald patches, but instead focuses on the emotional fallout of this disorder.
Trichotillomania requires people to exercise their willpower on a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis. It forces people to make difficult choices. And at the core of trichotillomania is a relentless dance between despair and acceptance. Which makes it a fascinating condition to live with, and write about."