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Paper Boats - Phillip Knight

And so what if midnight comes and I lose your voice

If the ending has no resolution

And you call this war when I call this love

You call this hate when I call this love.

I fear leaving the deceased, lain within my own organs, digested and choked on stomach lining

and watch as dispute becomes second nature, like tentacle tendrils and octopus suction cups;

and somewhere between chain mail and seaweed I forget to breathe.

You finally took the slender body of the bottle as a way to pitch confidence to yourself

As though you had transitioned to the sea

An origami boat in precision folds

Hiding the S.O.S written in blood from a knife edge

And you capsized; lost to pondering and careless compassion Writhing within you own omission

Yet I remember you

I remember you through car windows

Climbing out to the stars

Yet you never could catch them

And you say they danced for you

But it was always the alcohol talking.

I remember the day I talked like it too

A sentence in the shadow of your own;

The lesson I learned from you

That no one will care, without the warm second layer of liquid skin That I meant nothing more than something to look upon

That I needed a drink to be better


"Paper boats is based around the idea of self worth. How anxiety and depression makes us look at ourselves in a negative light. I saw my mother struggle with alcohol abuse, relying on it to give her confidence, yet it was a false state of being, and would ultimately bring out the worst in her, hurting those around us. It scares me that I see a lot of her in myself, and self worth has become a crippling problem for me, too many times I have turned to alcohol to feel more confident, yet ultimately it has lead to self destructive actions where I go out of my way to prove I am not good enough."

See more of Phillip Knight's poetic work and upcoming releases at Fishbowl Publishing.

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