Goodnight Mourning - Louise Steel


I curled up with you through the longest winter and wanted to fall asleep with you forever, right beside me, like an old familiar friend I couldn't misplace. It was easier than facing your brighter sister, when the light streamed through the window, rubbing my own melancholy in my face – eroding all definition. As the light drew out, I appreciated its empathy and tried to hide there - away from the stars and the moon. Impossible. But one day I woke and it dawned on me that I was not broken, merely interrupted. I rose with the sun and slept in a cloud. Goodnight mourning, so long, farewell.

"'Goodnight Mourning' was written during a period of depression ten years ago when I couldn't see a future for myself. I was studying at university at the time and wanted to drop out as I was struggling socially with the demands of living away from home for the first time.

It was the long winter of 2007 when all I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn't seem to face the world and every day I prayed that I would not wake up.

But spring came and with it a new light which woke me from my gloom. My mum got a new dog and I got some good grades on my assignments which made me feel like I was actually worth something (The depression made me convince myself that I was worthless). The main thing which aided my recovery, however, was actually opening up to others about how I felt and not being ashamed of my truth at that time. At its heart that is what 'Goodnight Mourning' is about; coming out of the long winter of depression, waking up to the light and realising that there are good things in the world (once the cruel fog of depression has cleared). It's a message of hope to people, that no matter how bad things get, there's always a reason to smile if you take the time to look for it."

See more of Louise's poetry and music on her YouTube channel.


#Depression #Recovery

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