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Chaos - Liz DeCarlo

How to explain

the ride we've been on

and why I have


leapt from the car

when you accelerated.

It seemed safer to jump


into traffic

than to endure another moment

of the chaos inside the car.


"In October, my battle with depression, anxiety and PTSD overwhelmed me and I felt life was no longer worth living. A short stay in the hospital helped briefly, but I was hospitalized again in November, when I realized I needed a place of safety and more treatment. I wrote this poem after coming home for the second time and realizing there was a person in my life whose toxic behavior was taking me back down into despair. So I literally "jumped from the car" and decided that to move forward in my healing, I needed to protect myself from others around me who were not as committed to finding peace as I am. The poem also has a second, underlying context. Symbolically, the poem represents my leap away from the darkness of depression. I've realized I need to let it go and learn a new way of living, without the "protection" of depression, which often gives me an excuse to not live my life as fully as I want."

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