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You Are Not Alone

Jessica Draewell

"My mother is bipolar. She refuses help and for my entire childhood I took care of her and my younger sister. I sheltered my sister from everything that was going on. We had no friends growing up because we feared what Mom would think or do and she never let us out of her sight. My sister and I just had each other.

There were many up days and down days. One minute she would be the mother I loved and cherished and the next I became terrified of her and for the safety of my little sister.

When I began college we started to part ways. I moved out and got in to a serious relationship. I began therapy. My therapist opened my eyes to my entire childhood.

“You were made to grow up too early”

My mother had manipulated me into feeling that my job, as her daughter, was to deal with whatever mood she was in, abusive or not, because I owed that to her. I owed it to her because she brought me into this world. After many more years of trying my hardest to shelter my husband and his family and everyone else from her moods and coach everyone on how to act around her, I began to realise that this wasn’t the life for me.

I had tried many times to get my mother help. I had her committed twice, I visited her in mental hospitals all through my childhood,

“Why isn’t she better?”

It took many years to see that she doesn’t want to be better.

Unfortunately, with the advice of my family and friends I learned that my relationship with my mother was very toxic to my health. I was becoming physically sick. I was so depressed that I had thoughts I never dreamed of having. Having battled with my mind and my heart, I decided it was best for me to part ways with my mother. It was and always will be the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.

Unfortunately though I have those same genes. So, I got myself a full psychiatric evaluation and discovered that I am chronically depressed, with ADD, OCD and also an insomniac. I immediately began therapy and medication and I am living a happy and healthy life. I do not have any contact with my mother and haven’t for over a year.

At 29, I am living the life I couldn’t before.. I have friends, I don’t fear what she’s going to think or say, I am making my own choices without guilt and I am proud of myself"

See Jessica's art on her Facebook and Instagram

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