When you've been through battle,
And you've come out the other side,
You leave different than when
The scars, the pain, the violence,
Keep replaying inside your brain,
Like bullets, ricocheting against
The barricades of your mind.
You struggle to stay sane.
A wound so deep,
You wonder if it will ever stop bleeding
Yet your heart's still beating
Though the beat is different now.
Scars make you weary,
But they also make you wiser.
The battle fought, but the war
A different war, war against everything
Learning to live with the pain
This irregular heartbeat that results
From someone pummeling it
Slitting your chest open
And ripping it out, then
Squeezing it between their fingers
As they watched the blood drip down,
As they watched you gasp for air.
And still, here you are.
Irregular heartbeat, but it's
Those who will try to reach for it now,
Will find it unreachable.
It is your life, your heart,
And you will protect it,
No matter the cost.
The battle may be over,
But the war rages on.
"My poems are about my struggle with depression and anxiety, as well as grief and loss. This poem is about wanting to protect my heart after surviving the hardest situation I've ever been through; the infidelity of my husband while we were still technically newlyweds"