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Poetry - EUPD

Thought I was impossible to love

Demonised when my only way to cope was to shed blood

People told me that they cared but they showed me otherwise

A Diagnosis a number vilified and demonised

For so many years placed faith in no one that I met

Avoid emotional investment saw each person as a threat

Can’t get up out of bed my life is devastated

Curtains remain closed my dreams obliterated

Undescribable pain in my heart and in my mind

Barely able to function despite the drugs I am prescribed

My mind so over occupied sometimes forget to breathe

Is the hurt scribed across my face possible to read

When the darkness descends I create distance from my friends

Life becomes a battle in which I cannot contend

The actions I displayed during my times of desperation

Often meant by so many with judgement and condemnation

Thunder crashing lightning flashing in my mind throughout the day

Trapped in a world of emotions that I struggle to convey

I trusted nobody whilst trusting everyone

Fixed in my heart then suddenly you’re gone

In search of love and care from someone who is genuine

A bond that is formed on attributes beneath the skin

I explain my apathy whilst they assess my risk

My suicidal thoughts and intentions are dismissed

Which direction for me next? Exhausted all that they suggest

A simple request for help becomes a desperate protest

I want that answer, that fix that I know does not exist

50 simultaneous voices bellow in my head

To move my limbs like hauling lead

Surrounded by irritants

Disregard or compliments

Plagued with guilt for my feelings

For my self-inflicted bleeding

Relationships appear fractured though for nobody else

Can any more confusion be caused by my mental health?


At the age of 16 I was registered blind then at the age of 22 I was diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder.

Now 28, I have struggled to manage my mental health since my diagnosis. Self harm has been a frequent behaviour in particular over the last couple of years. Intensifying during times of increased stress. Many of my wounds have required hospital attention to close. My eyesight had almost completely gone by about two years ago. Combining my mental health and sight loss increased my isolation and depression became more severe. I was repeatedly admitted to psychiatric hospitals but with limited control of my mental health regained consequently this led to numerous suicide attempts

Over the years I have found writing poetry has helped me to express my feelings and helped to improve my confidence. I now live in rehabilitation facility for mental health and have recently returned to volunteering for the first time in about four years. The poetry that I write is something that I would like to use to help other people who may have had similar experiences.

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