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Dear Depression - Mandy Lee Berger


"I have never been good at people words and find it so much easier to express my feelings through my art . I have dealt with depression, anxiety and complex PTSD all my life but never knew what they were til 2011, when things exploded out and I found myself unable to get out of bed anymore .

It was as though my lifeforce had drained out of me and I was just left in pain.  I started to write these journal entries which were like raps as they rhymed and I had no idea I was writing spoken words til I heard ‘To This Day’ by Shane Koyzcan.

I spent my life writing poems and song lyrics and acting and writing stories . My creativity is all I have . When things got this bad I discovered that my creativity became these spoken word poems and paintings, that seemed to say what I could not.

'Dear Depression' came about when I woke up crying again because I was awake and I had hoped I would have died in the night . I wanted to tell people how it feels to walk through a day in the life when you have depression/anxiety/CPTSD . Dear Depression just spilled out of me . I was terrified to let anyone hear this and see it.

When it was released I was so scared;  what would people think? I think I imagined getting attacked as that is how it has been my life: me being vulnerable and others attacking me for that . I am really proud of 'Dear Depression' and the fact that those who have seen it feel heard .

I am starting to do more of my spoken word and get my art out there too.  I wish I could speak in people words but my creativity is the only way I feel I can ever truly say what I need to say.  It helps me find my voice and a way to process all I am going through . 

There is so much shame and stigma around these things but I am learning to find my own way to lessen that within myself so that I may be able to help others who are struggling with their own battles too."

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