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My Loving Mum

Emily Sian

"Ever since I can remember, I have been drawing and painting to escape from reality. Though I used it to escape, I never delved into my own emotions and personal experiences until this year. I was fearful of the subject matter I knew I wanted to create about, and quite frankly, it’s something I’ve been embarrassed about for a long time, until having people to look up to with similar experiences to mine. For example, Jennette McCurdy, Lea Waters, Drew Barrymore, all of who create art in various forms that help with the trauma they’ve been through, as well as helping others by speaking their truth.

Growing up with an abusive mum, I was taught to have no confidence in who I was or what I was passionate about. Since leaving home, I’ve been trying to learn that I’m okay and I’m worthy of love and all happy things, even with suffering with eating disorders, anxiety and depression.

As a child, it felt near to impossible to find anything that went into childhood abuse, unless it was about abusive dad’s or men. That didn’t resinate with me, it was my mum that hurt me. I want to be a part of that change, where we can be open about our abusers, man or woman.

This piece was created on a glass surface, using glass paints. It shows how I felt as a child, hiding what was actually going on behind closed doors. I used to be scared people wouldn’t like my mum, I still cared for someone even though they didn’t care for me. Alongside that, I was also threatened if I ever said anything.

Do I wish I could’ve had a different upbringing? I used to say no, because it made me who I am; my mum taught me who to be by showing me who I never want to be. That’s what I use to say, but now, yes, I do wish I had a different upbringing as I now suffer from all the trauma it caused. Though I still hurt, I am hopeful through creating and by seeking help in therapy, the hurt will subside, and I hope I can install hope into anyone else with similar experiences."

See more of Emily's work on instagram.

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