"Here's a spider diagram of of what's going on in my brain. It was easier for me to visualise it all this way. Some of these things seem very silly or obvious but that's just the way it is. I'm turning 40 at the end of this month and I'm not happy about it. And that's ok. I'm having drinks with friends and have some lovely times with friends and family being planned. I did have the opportunity to go away but wanted to be near everyone - now I wish I wasn't here."