Mania - Sophia Vahdati


A dark veil drops

It’s static

On fire

On electric

Energy sparking like

Wild fire

Burning up the soul as fuel

Purifying, culling, alienating, drowning

With high elasticity

Impacting on chests

Heads flying around

Severed from their torsos

They fly without intent

Like lazy bottleflies

On speed.

The curtain draws back

And

The smoke machine eases off

Invisible hands with intangible purpose

Place 3D glasses onto my head

The world has another dimension

Everything in HD…

-It’s a pity it’s all fucking dead.

The sharpness hurts but you cannot and will not dare to miss a millisecond.

A missillisecond.

Memory storage overloads!

Cacophony of alerts!!

Choosing not to mute or drown or burn the warehouse down!!!

Is very hard.

Yet, I’m pretty sure the insurance would sky-rocket if I let anything happen to it again…

So: I drop the match,

Call to a halt the tsunami,

Sing the hurricane to sleep

And start climbing up

to a solitary spot on a beautiful rock and

I sit.

I" woke up one morning, or rather, I opened my eyes. I hadn't been able to sleep for more than a few hours and the dreams I did have had been erratic, energetic and disturbing. Not sleeping is often one of the first signs for me that I'm at risk of manic behaviour. I've never been diagnosed but self-analysis and observation makes it impossible to ignore the similar patterns of my behaviour and a less debilitating, fast cycling form of bipolar disorder. This means that in addition to the depressive episode I narrate in 'Live Episode', I sometimes feel on top of the world, but it's often a bit strange. In the past, this mood had led me to drink to excess, indulge in narcotics and generally make bad decisions and put myself in danger. I've learnt since then and this poem is about recognising, announcing and coping with the nervous energy I feel during these times."

#Mania #Bipolar #Coping

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