Grey,
from clouds to ground
All around
this blanket
swamps me.
I’m living a black and white movie.
Drowning in grey
like a dead weight
steals my fate
from the moment I wake.
Just grey.
It’s hard to describe
how it feels sometimes
this constant grinding
of my mind.
Like a vice;
trapped,
clamped tight.
Til it pops.
Endless grey
is exhausting,
haunting,
taunting
me to do or say
the darkest grey.
The hue may change
differing tones and shades
some days it fades
but always
a patch remains
like a cancer.
Dormant,
it lays,
it waits,
it invades,
my fucking broken brain.
I can’t remember when I first met grey,
hard to pinpoint a particular day.
Interesting now he has a name
I can see the memories he enslaves.
Does pointing fingers win the game?
Is me to blame?
Would others have coped better with the same?
This is the problem with grey,
this fog he exudes
obscures the view
making it almost impossible
to find a way through.
Smoke of charcoal grey
weaves its way
around your brain
like a toxic sinuous snake.
If you let him slither away
he burrows deep inside
where he ignites
any scrap of emotional pain
to poison your entire being.
Grey makes life not worth living.
If you let him.
His silver tongue
uses manipulation
to ensure you feel
you have no home.
It’s hard to imagine
what would have happened
if I’d let him win.
If grey convinced me to believe
the world would work better
without me in.
Battling with grey
when he used to say
it’s more damaging for you to stay.
So be kind,
save them from a life
of you
and your destructive mind.
Well grey – fuck you
‘cause one day
there was a gap of blue
a chink of light shone through
and escaped.
Rolled over me in waves
lifting the malaise
creasing my face,
diverting my gaze
and recalibrating my brain.
The process was slow
grey obviously didn’t want to go
but I learned how to cope
with life
with my mind
and the whisp of grey left behind.
He still lingers,
like the smell of onion on your fingers
or blisters
on the hands of bell ringers
there are parts of my life he still tinges.
I doubt he’ll ever fully emigrate,
but for now an extended holiday
and the skills to keep him at bay
will have to do for me.
I'm finally
happy,
probably the happiest I’ve been
in years.
Cause now I can see
life
in in Technicolor
and 3D.